Pointless Haikus (or I Know What You Did Last Summer)

I.

I am out of shape.

My shirt barely covers me.

Need a size larger.

II.

Stoned by 10 am;

I can’t talk on the phone, but,

I cut the lawn well.

III.

My wife doesn’t fart,

But she does get the vapors.

It smells like a swamp.

IV.

I’m starting to think

My dog is smarter than me.

My wife’s not surprised.

V.

I like my job.

I like vacation better.

I sigh and return.